Week Nineteen: Rules of Time Management

Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! Time management is a subject that many women struggle with. In the Remodel Your Reality program, there are four rules to effective and empowering time management: Be Authentic, Place Yourself on Your List, Know Your Own Worth, and Say Goodbye to Takers.

One Thing To Think About

You will succeed or fail at time management based on your willingness to consistently invest your time in support of the priorities you’ve established. This becomes possible when you remove requests and commitments that fall outside of your priority structure. In short, this means you’re going to have to get very good at saying the dreaded “n” word—no.

One Question To Answer

Do you have trouble saying no to others? Due to the desire to avoid disappointing others and their aversion to feeling uncomfortable, many women do. To preserve your time for things that matter to you, you must be willing to experience temporary discomfort. This requires dedication to the focused management of your schedule and calls for you to develop the courage to risk upsetting or disappointing others.

One Challenge To Take

Integrate the Four Rules of Time Management into your daily life. Use them as a guide star to give you direction and keep you on the track you want to take.

• Be Authentic – Your priority list must reflect what you authentically hold in esteem versus what you believe should be important to you. Be honest when creating your priority blueprint. It can serve you, acting as a compass to support you in making decisions about where to invest your time and energy. If you don’t define your list based on your truth, you will be living someone else’s. I know you don’t want that reality or you wouldn’t be reading this book. Creating a list based on what you believe is expected of you, or out of fear about what others might think of you, is a recipe for stress and failure.
• Place Yourself on Your List – When you commit to taking care of yourself, you become more powerfully able to take care of everyone else in your life. While you may feel an initial resistance to placing yourself on your own list, believing it would be selfish to do so, I strongly encourage you to invest in taking care of you. When you do, you will be able to give more to every area of your life. I challenge you to take care of yourself at least as well as you take care of everyone else!
• Know Your Own Worth – If you don’t believe you’re worthy of acceptance and friendship, you will try to earn your way into both. The fear of unworthiness is at the root of many unproductive behaviors, such as accepting invitations you aren’t interested in, agreeing to requests that don’t compliment your priorities, and taking on responsibilities that detract from your own well-being. The disease to please may not kill you, but it will significantly detract from the quality of your life.
• Say Goodbye to Takers – If you’ve been living as a pleaser, there are undoubtedly takers around you. A taker is a person who uses your time, energy, money, and resources without giving anything back in return. I liken these individuals to parasites, and they will begin to disappear when you start saying no. Make a commitment to stand your ground and invest yourself in only those requests that meet your priorities or interest you. Prepare yourself in advance to decline invitations or requests that don’t. Anticipate the inevitable shedding of the takers in your life and celebrate the opening you’re creating for a higher quality of person to enter in their place.

Until next time, take care!

Kim

Week Sixteen: Dealing With The Unacceptable Actions of Others

Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! Today we’re going to tackle the fourth and final cause of emotional energy drain – dealing with the unacceptable actions of others.

One Thing To Think About

Human beings thrive on interaction. The most beautiful experiences we’ll have in our lives will likely involve our connection with others. Unfortunately, some of the most difficult or traumatic experiences in our lives become part of our experience as a result of our interaction with other people.

An unacceptable behavior is an improper or inappropriate action, directed at you by another person, that causes you to have a negative emotional response. Examples of an unacceptable behavior include a family member snubbing you at an event, a co-worker spreading a rumor about you at the office, or a friend repeatedly standing you up when you commit to seeing each other.

One Question To Answer

Where are you allowing the unacceptable actions of others to drain your emotional energy? Take inventory of the people in your life and the experiences that stand out for you. If you discover that you have unresolved emotions around a person or event, move through the six-step model below to support you in reaching closure.

One Challenge To Take

Six-step process for dealing with the unacceptable actions of others.

• Step One – Describe the event or experience. What happened, and why isn’t this okay?
• Step Two – Connect with your emotions. How did this experience make you feel?
• Step Three – Identify what needs to happen for you to feel finished with your experience. Do you need to have a conversation with the person? Do you want an apology? Do you simply need to connect with your own emotions?
• Step Four – Get clear about your resolution path. If the situation involves another person, do you want him or her in your life or would you like to end the relationship? Do you feel a need to talk with the person about the incident, or would you prefer to put your feelings down on paper?
• Step Five – Allow yourself to fully feel the emotions that exist at the core of this issue. Let yourself be angry. Let yourself be sad. Many times, an emotion needs to be fully felt before you can let it go. Give yourself permission to experience and release your emotions.
• Step Six – Take action. Write the letter. Have the meeting. Do whatever you feel you need to do to reach closure.

In some instances, a repetitively inappropriate person may need to be removed from your life. In other instances, the person you’ve communicated with may work to change his or her behavior. The outcome of your acknowledgement and communication is much less important than your willingness to reclaim your emotional reserves.

Until next time, take care!

Kim

Week Fifteen: Speaking the Truth

Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! Today we’re going to look at the third source of emotional energy disturbance, your failure to speak the truth. When you fail to let someone know what your true feelings are, or you allow another person to speak to you in a way you find unacceptable, you undermine your self-respect. This is energetically depleting, not to mention personally demoralizing.

One Thing To Think About

Women often have difficulty letting someone know when they’re angry or hurt. That’s generally because we aren’t comfortable with confrontation. We haven’t been taught to communicate with clarity and constructive feedback, so we repress our emotions.

When you consistently censor yourself, eventually one of three things will happen—you will numb out emotionally, you will make yourself physically sick, or you will explode at the most inopportune moment. (We have all had those explosive moments. While it may feel great to rage like a banshee, I’m here to tell you that there is a better way.)

One Question To Answer

When you don’t speak up for yourself you begin to compile an inventory of experiences that cause you to feel frustrated, sad, despondent, or completely furious. It takes a great deal of energy to fuel these emotions! Examples of such situations include allowing your mate to use an unacceptable tone of voice with you or allowing others to tease or criticize you. Where are you failing to speak up for yourself and creating an emotional energy black hole?

One Challenge To Take

It is important for you to get comfortable with confrontation. Use this five-step process to learn to speak up for yourself:

• Step One – Clearly describe the problem, as you see it, to the person involved.
• Step Two – Specifically let the other party know what part of his or her behavior was unacceptable to you.
• Step Three – Let the other person know how the situation made you feel.
• Step Four – Ask the other person for the specific solution you seek. This may require that you ask the person to change his or her behavior in some way. If this is the case, be very clear about the behavioral change you require. If you want an apology, ask for it.
• Step Five – This other person has free will and may see the situation much differently than you do. It’s possible that he or she will not be willing to comply with your wishes. You must be ready and willing to let the other person know what you plan to do if he or she won’t comply with your request. This may mean that you let the other know you can’t have a relationship with him or her any longer, or that you’ll have to limit the time you spend with him or her. Understand what your alternatives are and be willing to follow them through.

The core issue in learning to communicate on your own behalf goes far beyond the management of your energy. Truly, this skill will allow you to build your reserves of self-confidence and self-respect. The increase you’ll experience in your level of vitality is simply an added bonus.

Until next time, take care!

Kim

Week Fourteen: Action and Inaction

Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! There are four primary situations that impact your emotional energy: Your own actions, your own inaction, your failure to speak the truth, and other people’s unacceptable actions. Today we’ll be looking at your actions and inactions. We’ll address the other concerns over the next few posts. Invariably, you will identify with each scenario to some degree.

One Thing To Think About

Your Own Actions

If you have done something that violates your sense of right and wrong, you may feel incomplete. If this action caused harm to another person, you will almost certainly feel incomplete. The actions in this area vary from person to person, as everyone has a different set of rules that govern his or her behavior. Examples of these actions can range in seriousness from something as seemingly harmless as failing to keep a commitment, to more serious offenses such as telling a lie or gossiping about a friend or family member.

Your Own Inaction

If you failed to follow through on something you now wish you would have, you may need to resolve your lack of action in order to avoid an insidious circle of thought, which I’ve coined “The Inaction Cycle.” Inaction results in missed opportunities. Missed opportunities fuel fantasies about what could have been. Focusing on what could have been causes you to live in the neverland of “what if,” instead of the reality of “what is.” Living in fantasies of “what if” guarantees that you will never take the actions necessary to have a fabulous “what is.” I’ve worked with countless people living in this cycle of fantasy and projection. Not only is this energetically expensive, it’s a certain recipe for dissatisfaction with life.

Examples of inaction include failing to complete your degree, not following up on an interesting professional opportunity, failing to pursue a relationship with someone you were interested in, or putting off your study of a much-loved activity.

One Question To Answer

Where have your actions or inaction created emotional turmoil and energy drains? Take inventory of your personal behavior to find out.

Actions:

Do you have regrets about anything you’ve said or done that you may need to address? Do you owe anyone an apology? If so, consider the situation. What part of your actions do you regret? How would you act differently if given a second chance? Would it make sense for you to communicate with the person who was affected by your behavior? 

Inaction:

What do you think you would have gained had you acted on the opportunity you’re remembering? What do you fear you missed out on?

One Challenge To Take

Deal with the results of your own actions:

In some instances, offering a clear apology can support you in reaching a place of energetic closure, even if the other person involved doesn’t accept your attempt to make amends. In other situations, the simple act of recognizing that your behavior was not acceptable and committing to make a change can bring you to neutrality. The objective in addressing situations involving your own actions is to arrive at a place of emotional neutrality, so that your energy is not required to keep past regrets alive.

Address the results of your inaction

You cannot change the past, but you can create a compelling future. Get clear about the essence of what you wish you would have created or accomplished. Once you’ve connected with your true intention, brainstorm several ways you could pursue that outcome today. It’s been said that the longest journey begins with a single step. Your willingness to honestly assess what you regret, and embrace the possibility that you can create the essence of what you believe you missed out on can be a great source of drive and dynamic power.

Until next time, take care!

Kim

Week Thirteen: Assess Emotional Energy

Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! Now that you’ve gotten a handle on your physical and mental energy, it’s time to think about your emotional energy – your feelings and your reactions to those feelings.

The emotional factor of energy has a powerful effect on your vitality and your sense of self. Treating other people with respect, taking action on your own behalf, and communicating clearly will help you maximize your emotional power.

One Thing To Think About

The emotional factors of energy are usually the most challenging to deal with. These have to do with life experiences that are unresolved and are directly linked to your interactions with other people. They can be charged with angst—such as feelings of guilt, shame, fear, embarrassment, frustration, anger, and regret.

One Question To Answer

Is your emotional energy strong, or is it being drained by unresolved or unaddressed issues?

Experiences that impact your emotions only diminish your energy when they’re left unresolved. The best way to determine if a situation is unresolved is to connect with the charge of feeling you have associated with the experience. If you can recall the scenario with a level of neutrality and calm, it’s probable that you’ve reached a level of closure related to that event. It’s even possible you’ve pulled valuable lessons from your encounter.

If, however, you feel a jolt of emotion, such as anger, fear, shame, embarrassment, or regret when recalling the event, it’s likely you have some unresolved feelings to contend with. These are the experiences that use precious units of your energy and that you need to inventory.

Take the following assessment, designed to help you identify where you may be losing emotional energy. Answer either yes or no to each question.

1. Do you tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable to do so?
2. Do you say no to invitations you aren’t interested in accepting?
3. Do you spend time only with people you like and enjoy?
4. Do you require the people in your life to treat you with respect?
5. Do you feel loved and accepted by those closest to you?
6. Have you accepted the experiences in your past?
7. Have you let go of any past anger or regret?
8. Are you able to ask for what you want?
9. Are your current relationships clean and constructive?

Any question you answered no to is very likely contributing to your energy deficit. These are more complex issues than those within your physical or mental inventories. For that reason, you may need to approach them more slowly, carefully, and thoughtfully.

One Challenge To Take

Identify one situation in your emotional inventory that you feel ready to address. Get clear about what you require to resolve the situation.

• Do you simply need to process it? If so, writing a letter allowing yourself to express your feelings may be enough to reach resolution.
• Would you like an apology or a changed behavior from the other person? Once you’re clear about what you’d like to communicate, arrange to have a conversation with the other person during a time when you will be uninterrupted.
• Do you need to make amends or take action on your own behalf? If so, get clear about what you’re sorry for, or the circumstances you’d like to create for yourself.

Decide to work through only one item at a time and allow yourself to move at a comfortable pace. Seek the support of a close friend, family member, or your coach, and remember that small steps will lead you to the energetic liberation you seek.

Until next time, take care!

Kim

Week Nine: Assess Your Mental Energy

Welcome to Week Nine of The 52 Week Remodel Your Reality Challenge! You are doing great. By now you’ve made just a bit of time for yourself, have started to set up a support system, begun to take care of your physical body, and started to consider how your physical environment impacts your energy. You’ve done great work!

As a reminder, in the last couple of weeks we’ve really started to look at energy. Specifically, I’ve suggested that there are three kinds of energy which impact our lives; physical, mental, and emotional. Over the last two weeks we’ve taken a look at the two areas that impact your physical energy; the way you take care of your body and the way you manage your space. This week, I’d like to talk about the second type of energy – mental energy.  

One Thing To Think About

In a nutshell, your energy is impacted by what goes on in your head. You can liken the available space in your mind to that of a computer’s hard drive. The more items you save in your memory bank, the less space you have available to support your vitality. While factors in this area are slightly less tangible than those impacting your physical energy, they are no less profound.

Mental energy revolves around your commitments. When you maintain an inventory of projects you’ve started but not finished, a running to-do list, or a series of cumbersome promises, you set yourself up for energetic depletion, because each of these items takes up valuable space in your mind. 

One Question To Answer

What does your mental hard-drive look like? Take the quick quiz that follows

• Do you schedule more tasks in a given day than you can reasonably accomplish?
• Do you put important tasks or projects off?
• Do you have a list of half-completed projects that need to be addressed?
• Are you consistently late to scheduled appointments?
• Do you accept requests and invitations you would prefer to decline, or spend time with people you don’t like?
• Do you commit to projects out of a sense of obligation; accepting responsibilities because you’re worried about what others will think of you if you don’t?
• Have the same tasks or projects been on your to-do list for more than three months?

If you answered yes to three or more of these questions your hard-drive is on overload! We need to clean it up.

One Challenge To Take

Making commitments you fail to make good on undermines your self-esteem and diminishes your confidence in your ability to follow through. (I know – potentially depressing, isn’t it?) Well, it doesn’t have to be.

I have a truth for you. I’ve never worked with a woman who didn’t “fail” this quiz (myself included). That doesn’t mean you are a failure. It means you are a woman. Life is designed to set you up for failure! It’s time to short-circuit this process. Let’s get started TODAY.

Your homework is simple. I challenge you to make a list of the various tasks, projects, and commitments you currently have stored in your mind. (I – quite inelegantly – call this a brain dump).

Do your brain dump today – perhaps even throughout this week. If you’re thinking about the fact that you want or have to do anything – write it down on your list. Bring your list to next week’s session. We’re going to make it mean something.

Until then – just get this stuff out of your head. Enjoy the liberation you will experience as a result.

Until Next Week…

Kim

Week Seven: Take Care of Your Physical Body

Welcome to Week Seven of The 52 Week Remodel Your Reality Challenge! By now you have six powerful weeks of thinking, acting, and answering your way into a more balanced and passionate life. Congratulations on the great work you’ve done so far! This week, we’re going to start the process of reclaiming your energy.

One Thing To Think About

Energy is the physical and mental power to perform work. You require energy to support every thought, word, action, and interaction in your life. The cruel joke relative to energy is that you’re only given a finite portion of it each day.

There are three kinds of energy—physical, mental, and emotional. The way you manage these areas will impact your ability to live each day with vitality. Over the next few weeks, we’ll consider each of these three factors, and I’ll challenge you to identify places in your life where you can increase the energy available to you. This week, we’ll take a look at your physical energy.

The physical factor of energy involves your physiological body and your material environment. The manner in which you care for your physical world directly impacts the energy available to you each day. Ultimately, these elements have the opportunity to support and simplify your life or to create repetitive stress and complexity in your daily experience.

One Question To Answer

How well do you take care of your body?

• Do you drink at least 8 glasses of water each day? This might be the simplest yet most effective method available to you to increase your energy.
• Do you fuel your body with a balance of high quality food every day? Like a car; your engine needs fuel.   A hungry body cannot operate at optimal levels. (Neither can a body stuffed with unhealthy processed food!)
• Do you get enough sleep at night? Most of use need at least seven hours of sleep each night. If you’re not getting adequate rest your energy will be compromised.
• Do you move your body every day? While you don’t have to hit the gym for hours every day, it’s imperative that you move it a bit. The simple habit of taking a brisk walk several times a week can drastically impact your energy levels.

One Challenge To Take

It’s time to take care of your physical self! This week pick at least one of the simple strategies I’ve outlined below, and begin to condition a habit of taking care of your body!

• Develop a Hydration Habit: Drink at least 8 glasses of water throughout the day. Start each day with a glass of water, and carry a water bottle around with you in order to make sure you’re properly hydrated.
• Fuel Your Body: Eat five to six small meals each day, spaced 3-4 hours apart.
• Rest Up: Based on the time you need to get up in the morning, establish a bed-time for yourself. Then – honor it!
• Get Moving: Commit to a time during the day when you will show up to move your body. The activity you select is much less important than your commitment to show up and move!

The more willing you are to invest in caring for your body, the more likely you are to experience high levels of energy in your day-to-day reality. While the strategies we’ve covered are simple – yet not always easy to incorporate into your life, they becomepossible when you commit to them.

 

Until Next Week,

Kim

Week Six: Secure Support

Welcome to Week Six of The 52 Week Remodel Your Reality Challenge! By now you have taken a moment to recognize the phenomenal power living within you, committed to making (and taking) time for yourself, and started to anticipate the obstacles that can derail your success. This week, we’re going to focus on another crucial component of creating a joyful and prosperous life; support.

One Thing To Think About

Long-held habits and behaviors can be difficult to change. Altering them requires consistency and focus. We’ve established that your ability to show up for yourself each day will be crucial to your success. Another critical component of your accomplishment involves securing a support system.

We all need someone to celebrate with when we win and encourage us when we fall. The people you turn to for regular support will be one of the greatest predictors of your life’s success and satisfaction – or failure and frustration.

One Question To Answer

Think about the people in your life.

• Who lifts you up and supports you through both good and bad times?
• Who tears you down or causes you to question yourself when what you really need is validation and encouragement?
• Ultimately, what type of support system do you need in order to create the results you want in your life and work?

One Challenge To Take

It’s time to create that system of support. We’ll get started by leveraging the relationships you share with people who lift you up – and limiting your interaction with those who do not.

• This week, acknowledge the people in your life who support you. Thank them for their encouragement, and let them know how much you appreciate their presence in your life.

  Share your dreams with them, and ask them for help. (Perhaps one of these friends might even want to take The 52 Week Remodel Your Reality Challenge with you).

• Think about the people you’ve identified who are not playing a supportive role in your life. In future weeks, we will discuss a communication strategy you can use to ask this type of person to change their behavior. For now, it’s best to limit the time you spend with this group of people – at least during the first weeks of this challenge.

If you can’t limit your time with them, minimally avoid discussing the new direction you’re moving in. The buds of change are precious and fragile. They must be protected from harsh conditions (such as these critics) if they are to blossom and grow.

I cannot stress how important it is to invest your valuable time and emotional energy in nurturing relationships that challenge you, lift you up, and provide you with acceptance and love.   This week, give yourself this gift!

Until Next Week,

Kim